BLOGGERS ARE GREAT!!!

BLOGS LET YOU WRITE YOUR INNERMOST SECRETS IN A PUBLIC PLACE!!!!

THEY ARE A GREAT WAY TO GET THINGS OFF YOUR MIND!!!

THEY ARE A FANTASTIC WAY OF DEMOCRATISING OPINION AND GIVING THOSE WITHOUT A VOICE, A VOICE!!!

ANYONE CAN DO IT!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

DO IT!!!



I WANT TO BE A BLOGGER!!!

GOOD JOB, SHIRT INSPECTORS!

HEY I WAS JUST PUTTING A SHIRT ON WHEN I NOTICED THAT IT WAS INSPECTED BY "NUMBER 47"!

GOOD JOB SHIRT INSPECTORS!

I AM GLAD YOU HELPED ME AVOID PUTTING ON A SHIRT THAT MAYBE HAD AN ALLIGATOR IN IT!

I AM GLAD I DIDN'T PUT THE SHIRT ON AND THE SHIRT HAD KNIVES INSIDE IT!

GOOD JOB SHIRT INSPECTORS!

I FEEL SAFE AND MORE READY TO DO MY JOB EFFICIENTLY AND COMFORTABLY!

GOOD JOB WALMART GREETERS

WALMART GREETERS LOOK AT YOU WHEN YOU WALK INTO WALMART.

GOOD JOB WALMART GREETERS!

WITHOUT YOU I WOULDN'T FEEL ALIENATED WHEN I WALK INTO A WALMART!

WITHOUT YOU I WOULDN'T REMEMBER THAT WHEN I AM OLD AND ABOUT TO DIE I CAN STILL WORK AT WALMART AS A WALMART GREETER!

WELL DONE COBBLERS!!

COBBLERS USE HAMMERS TO MAKE MOCCASINS AND BOOTS!!!

COBBLERS FIX OUR SHOES!

SHOES ARE NICE FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO WALK SOMEWHERE AND YOU PUT ON SHOES!!

DESPITE BEING PUT UNDER PRESSURE FROM CHEAP FOREIGN MERCHANDISES, MANY COBBLERS REMAIN ON OUR HIGH STREETS, HOPEFUL AND SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE LOCKSMITHS AND BUTCHERS!


I WOULD LIKE TO BE A COBBLER!

WELL DONE ONLINE LITSTERS

ONLINE LITSTERS ARE ESSENTIAL

WE NEED CAPS LOCK PRESENT TENSE IRONY (THE BEST KINDS)

"COOL BLOG"

COULD YOU:

GOOGLE YOURSELF EVERY DAY?
TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF WITH A MOBILE PHONE?
MAKE FUN OF COOKED MEATS?

MAYBE THIS IS THE CAREER FOR YOU

I WANT TO BE AN ONLINE LITSTER!!!

WELL DONE CHEFS!

CHEFS MAKE US HAPPY. CHEFS MAKE US GASSY.

CHEFS SWEAR, LIKE OUR FATHERS. CHEFS FEED, LIKE OUR MOTHERS. CHEFS DISSAPOINT, LIKE OUR LOVERS.

BECAUSE OF CHEFS, WE OPEN OUR MOUTHS. BECAUSE OF CHEFS, WE OPEN OUR MINDS.



I WANT TO BE A CHEF!

WELL DONE ARCHITECTS!!!

BUILDINGS ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF MODERN SOCIETY!!

THEY ARE DESIGNED BY ARCHITECTS!!!!!

ARCHITECTS HAVE IMPROVED MY LIFE AND YOUR LIVES!!!!

WELL DONE ARCHITECTS!!!!!

I WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT!!!

SUGGESTED NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

STOP DOING THE TINTERWEBS
STOP TYPING
EAT MORE
SUNSHINE
SUNBEDS
RUNNING ABOUT ON GRASS
MORE THOROUGH IRONING
STOP TALKING
PAY MORE ATTENTION TO PERSONAL HYGIENE/GROOMING
KILL BOSS
USE BULLET POINTS MORE
DRINK SLOE GIN (the drink of champions)

GET READY FOR THE NEW YEAR!!!!

THE NEW YEAR IS THE FUNNEST PART OF THE NEW YEAR!!!!

YOU CAN DRINK AND GO WITH YOUR FRIENDS TO NIGHT SPOTS!!!!

JUST REMEMBER TO HAVE ONE MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER AND WINE!!!

BECOME A PUKE FOUNTAIN!!!!

IMMENSE CAVITY OF HAPPINESS

A PAT ON THE SHOULDER IS A GOOD WAY TO SHOW ANOTHER PERSON YOU LIKE THEM AND APPROVE OF THEM!

HERE'S A TIP: MAKE SURE TO WASH YOUR FORKS AND KNIVES TWICE BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO TASTE YOUR FORMER SELF AND BECOME LESS EFFICIENT!

PLAY PEEK-A-BOO WITH AN UNFOLDED NAPKIN AND MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY MORE PEEK-A-BOOIER!

IF YOU ARE RETURNING A BOOK TO THE LIBRARY, PUT A LITTLE NOTE ON THE INSIDE THAT SAYS, "DON'T LET ANYONE JUMP ON YOUR FACE WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING BECAUSE THAT WILL HURT YOU!" BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE FORGET!

BEING HUNGRY IS A NORMAL PART OF LIFE!!!

YOU CAN CURE IT, WITH FOOD!!!

GORGE YOURSELF ON EVERYTHING YOU SEE AND SOON YOU WON'T BE HUNGRY!!!

AND IF YOU GET FAT YOU CAN HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!

KNIVES ARE VERY SHARP THESE DAYS!!!!

I AM AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL!!!

I AM THE ELEVENTH ONE. YOU CAN BE THE TWELFTH!!!

YOU NEED TO FIND A PERSONALITY!
YOU NEED TO LOOK AT A CAMERA!
YOU NEED TO WALK!



I AM VERY PRETTY!!!

REPEAT THIS MANTRA AT ALL TIMES!

"I AM THE BEST ONE EVER I AM GOD'S FAVOURITE LITTLE CHILD I AM DESTINED FOR WONDERFUL HAPPY THINGS THROUGHOUT MY FULL AND VARIED LIFE I AM LIKE TOM CRUISE IN 'THE COLOR OF MONEY' I AM LIKE MEL GIBSON IN 'LETHAL WEAPON 1, 2, 3, AND 4' I AM A GIGANTIC WINNER!"

HERE'S AN IDEA!

TRY GOING ON TIPTOES!

HEY! WOW! YOU’RE TALLER!!

HOW ABOUT A STEPLADDER?

TALLER STILL!!!

IT’S FANTASTIC TO BE TALLER!


YOU’RE A ROCK STAR!!!

MAKEOVER

WE HAVE HAD A MAKE OVER!!!!

THIS IS NOW MUCH EASIER TO READ!!!!!

ANYONE CAN READ IT!!!!!!


THAT IS A REALLY GOOD THING!!!!!

INCLUDE EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES!!!!!

MORNINGS ARE GREAT!!!

THE SOUND OF AN ALARM CLOCK IS JUST A WARNING THAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!

WEARING A BIB CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!!!

YOU ARE NEVER TO OLD FOR A BIB!!!

IT CAN PROTECT YOUR CLOTHES FROM FOOD!!!

DON'T LET FOOD RUIN YOUR FASHIONABLE CLOTHES!!!!

CHRISTMAS IS A FANTASTIC TIME!

IT"S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO SEE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OH YEAH!!!

OH YEAH!!!

OH YEAH???

OOOOOOOOOOOHHH YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

ISN'T IT HAPPY HOW WONDERFUL IT IS TO BE HAPPY?!

CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW MANY CHANCES YOU GET TO SAY GOOD THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE! TODAY I AM GOING TO SAY GOOD THINGS A BAJILLION TIMES!


I LIKE TO HIDE AROUND THE CORNER SO WHEN MY ROOMMATE COMES INTO THE ROOM HE THINKS NO ONE IS GOING TO SAY HOW LOVED HE IS, BUT THEN HE IS SURPRISED AND HAPPY WHEN I JUMP OUT!


I NEED A BIGGER HEAD SO I CAN THINK MORE GOOD THINGS!

WANT TO BE LOVED?!

IT'S EASY!!!

THESE PEOPLE LOVE YOU:



SO DO THESE PEOPLE:


(RIGHT NOW THEY'RE PLANNING A 'SUPER SURPRISE PARTY' FOR YOU!!)

SO DO THESE ANIMALS:



SEE?!! YOU HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!!!!

YOU ARE VERY, VERY POPULAR!!!

ENTERTAIN YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

NOTHING IS ON TELEVISION??!?!?!?!

DON'T WORRY - YOU CAN WATCH A DVD! THEY ARE NOT EXPENSIVE AND HAVE AN EXCELLENT QUALITY OF IMAGE!!!!!!

JUMP UP AND LET A STAR KNOW YOU LOVE IT BY GENTLY TOUCHING ITS BELLY IN A FRIENDLY WAY!

TODAY I AM GOING TO SMILE SOOOOOOOOOOO BIGLY THAT THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TOUCH EACH OTHER AND MY SMILE FORMS A GIANT HAPPY CIRCLE!!!

YOU DESERVE A BONUS FOR LOOKING NOT-DEAD AND NOT-UGLY!!!!

WELL I THINK WE SHOULD JUST PUT VELCRO ON OUR HANDS ALREADY BECAUSE I DON'T EVER WANT THEM APART!!!!!

WORK GETTING YOU DOWN!!!????

JUST QUIT!
OR TAKE A LONG HOLIDAY!
IT'S A GREAT WAY TO RELAX!!!!!

GET YOUR HANDS ON THE PRIZE! IT IS YOUR GOAL!

I AM MY OWN HERO!
I WILL BE A ROLE MODEL FOR MYSELF!
SUCCESS IS MY ONLY POWER!

1. "CLEAN SHOES"
2. "HAPPY FACE"
3. "FULL TUMMY"
4. "SUITABLE TIE"
5. "NO MAYONNAISE"
6. "SPARE PEN"
7. "SNAZZY HAIRCUT"
8. "EMAIL ACCESS"
9. "BE PREPARED"
10. "EXPECT LESS"
    

WHO IS THIS LITTLE GUY?!

THAT'S RIGHT -- IT'S YOU WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!!!

DRINK A TEA AT LUNCHTIME!

DRINK A CUP OF TEA AT LUNCHTIME!! CHOOSE A BLACK OR WHITE TEA!

(YOU CAN PUT SUGAR IN TOO, IF YOU WANT!!!!)

IT IS WARM AND WILL 'KEEP YOU GOING'!

ALWAYS MAKE BREAKFAST!

DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY BREAKFAST FROM MCDONALDS?? MAKE YOUR OWN USING CEREAL AND MILKS!!!!!

ALWAYS HEALTHY FOR THE DAY!

LOOKING FOR A PARTNER?

JUST GO OUTSIDE AND MEET SOMEONE!!

IT'S EASY!

WATCH A HEARTWARMING FILM

WATCH A HEARTWARMING FILM AND FOCUS ON THE PROTAGONIST AND THINK, 'THAT'S ME, THAT'S MY LIFE, SOMEONE HAS FINALLY MADE A FILM ABOUT ME'!!!

EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO CAN BE LIKE ME

LOOKING FOR A PARTY?

HOST YOUR OWN! OR CLUB TOGETHER WITH SOME FRIENDS TO ORGANISE A VERY LARGE PARTY!!

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN PARTY!

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR

EVERY DAY I LOOK AT MYSELF IT MAKES ME FEEL MORE AND MORE POWERFUL!!!

THE SECRET OF WINNING: RIGHT HERE

EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO FAT/THIN. DON'T WORRY, YOU AREN'T!!!!